I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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