party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
