i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
