Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
