Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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