i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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