I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
