yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
