I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
