I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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