Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
