I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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