The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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