we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
