How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize