I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
