Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
