Already got asked if we're dating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
