Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
