the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
