I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
