I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
