My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
