i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize