What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
