She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
