I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
