Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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