I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
