well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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