My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have feelings that need drinking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
