sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
