everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
