I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
