There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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