I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
