I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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