I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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