"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
