Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She needs sedatives and a leash
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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