I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
