i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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