I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize