i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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