So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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