everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
