i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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