She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize