I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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