8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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