im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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