This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
