dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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