The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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