The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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