Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
