A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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