She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
