The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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