So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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