I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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