being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
