5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
