Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
