This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
