This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
