recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
