I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
