now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
