It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
