hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
