butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize