You're completely useless in the revolution.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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