he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do herpes really smell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
