So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
