best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
