It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
