Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
