WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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