its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
