There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize