I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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