Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
