Just fell off a train. Bad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
