so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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