We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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