I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
