your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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