just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
