Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
