Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
