I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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