So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
