Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hippo gnu deer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
