And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
